I stood against the wall watching women greet each other, chat a moment, and sit together continuing their conversation. I told myself I could do this—go into a new group and make friends. After all, it was a Bible study. How hard could it be?
Yet inside, I was the little girl on the playground hoping someone would ask me to play, watching from the sidelines while building courage to get into the game.
Most of my life I have fought this turmoil. One minute feeling conspicuous and nervous; the next moment ready to go conquer the world, make friends, and meet a new lifelong friend.
This time was no different. I felt so brave driving up to the church. I continued in confidence until I stepped into the building. Then all the old sensations rose like a fire-spewing dragon in a bad dream.
Why does this keep happening? Why can’t I just step forward boldly?
Because the devil knows exactly where to attack and throw me off balance. But also, the answer to this question is in how I live and where I place importance. The morning I went to the new Bible study, I placed significance on how I felt. Any time I hide in fear over circumstances, I prove I don’t know God as well as I think I do.
For so long, I’ve thought I needed to understand my identity in Christ before I could get past these self-doubt, unstable feelings. I don’t think so anymore. Yes, grasping who I am in Him is necessary. Even more important is getting to know who He is. This changes everything.
In Matthew 7, Jesus talks about a wise man who builds his house on a rock vs. a foolish man who unfortunately builds his house on the sand. When the storms come, the house on the rock remains, and the other house doesn’t.
I often fail to read the beginning of that story. Jesus said that the person who hears what He says and does those things is like the wise man, but the one who doesn’t, is like the foolish man.
God gives me many opportunities to understand who He is and stand on the truth of what He says. I don’t have to worry when I go into a new situation even if it is difficult. God is already there with me and will be my strength for whatever happens.
If I don’t live in this by trusting Him, if I allow fear and doubt to control my attitudes, I am doing the same as the foolish man by building my life on something that shifts and the opinions of others, circumstances, my own emotions.
How much am I willing to take God at His word and live life like I really believe He is who He says He is? At times, it’s tough to grasp because He’s so massive … I mean, the Creator of all things caring about me?
It’s time to start living in truth instead of cowering in uncertainty. Now is the time to stand on the truth I say I believe. I am God’s daughter and He’s got me. With God as my foundation, I can live fully in that certainty and release fear.
After years of living under lies and fear, I have found truth and victory in God.