My voice shook as my diaphragm trembled. Panic gripped my throat as I worked to get the words out while fearing I wouldn’t be heard. I pushed harder, cupped my hands around my mouth, and pressed for sound with all my strength. From the next room, I heard my husband’s response, “What did you say?”
Many years of medication has caused an unwelcome side effect. An essential tremor has taken up residence in my vocal box.
I’ve been to vocal therapy … yes, there is such a thing … and learned what to do to lessen the chord shaking. Even the exercises don’t take it away but rather decrease the strength of the tremor.
But I forget and get so excited in what I’m trying to say, I neglect to pause, take a deep breath, and control my air. Years ago, I took voice lessons and the instructor taught the importance of releasing air purposefully.
And yet, when I’m in a moment of enthusiasm, I don’t do what I know to do.
Even as I write this, I shake my head. If I don’t use what I know to be true, I shortchange the intensity in it. It’s like not turning my stove burner on high when I want a pot of water to boil.
Truth remains true whether I stand in it or not, but I don’t take advantage of the strength of it unless I utilize what I know.
It’s like taking piano lessons but never playing.
Or attending defense classes but decide not to practice. Techniques can’t become a natural reaction unless they’re used.
To learn something isn’t simply putting knowledge into my head, it’s using it, so wisdom matures.
I discovered that unless I apply myself to God’s word, His power cannot be fully shown and expressed in my life.
When I’ve bowed before God throughout my life, I’ve thanked Him for His amazing patience as I grow up in Him.
Patience to wait for the moment when I grasp what needs work in my heart.
Longsuffering to watch as I struggle on my own instead of relying on His strength.
Forbearance to not smack me with a holy frying pan to get my attention enough that I may see and understand how to stand on the foundations of His word. Foundations that have been marked in my Bible for many, many years. (Go ahead, insert head-smacking emoji here!)
But if I follow and use what He so graciously shows me, I will grow into the image of Christ, which my heavenly Father planned before my life began in my mother’s womb. The relationship He has for us will develop.
May you learn from the lessons I’ve experienced. We are in relationship to gain insight from each other. I trust you obtain understanding faster than I did.
I pray we are both ready to look to God’s wisdom and exercise what He teaches us.
In the meantime, I’m going to put on God’s armor (Ephesians 6:10-18) and get back to my breathing lessons. In with the Spirit’s power, releasing my weakness and fear to Him.
Photo credit: Unsplash-Ashkan Forouzani
After years of living under lies and fear, I have found truth and victory in God.